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How Do I Tell My Friends About My Adoption Plan?

December 1, 2023

For many birth mothers, it’s not easy to tell friends and family about your decision to make an adoption plan. It feels so vulnerable to share this information, and it’s hard to know how people in your life will respond. It’s important to prepare for these sensitive and emotional conversations, and some birth mothers find it helpful to talk with their adoption agency or a trusted therapist for extra support beforehand. Here are some steps to consider when discussing this topic with your friends and family:

Reflect on Your Decision

Before talking to your friends, take some time to reflect on your decision to make an adoption plan. Understand your reasons and feelings, as this will help you explain your decision more clearly. It’s normal for friends and family to have a lot of questions about the process, especially if they don’t know very much about adoption.

Be Honest and Clear 

Find a quiet and comfortable setting where you can have an open and honest conversation without distractions or interruptions.  Begin the conversation by expressing your feelings and emotions. Let your friends know that this is a challenging decision for you and that you value their support and understanding. Explain your decision to make an adoption plan as clearly as possible. Share the reasons behind your choice, emphasizing that it’s a thoughtful and well-considered decision.

Be prepared to Answer Questions

Be prepared for your friends to have questions and concerns. It’s probably very new territory for them, so it might feel confusing at first. Be open and patient in addressing their inquiries, providing as much information as you feel comfortable sharing. Understand that your friends may react with a range of emotions, including surprise, sadness, or confusion. Give them space to process their feelings and try not to take negative reactions personally. If your friends are unfamiliar with the adoption process or have misconceptions, offer them resources or suggest they seek information from reputable adoption organizations.

Express Your Needs

Let your friends know what kind of support you would like from them. Whether it’s emotional support, someone to talk to, or practical assistance, be clear about your needs.  Emphasize that your decision to make an adoption plan for your child does not change your friendship. Assure your friends that you value their friendship and that you hope this decision will not affect your relationship negatively. Let your friends know that you are making this decision with the best interests of your pre-born child in mind and that you are taking steps to ensure their well-being and future.

Seek Professional Support

If you encounter challenges or if your friends are struggling to understand and support your decision, consider seeking the guidance of a therapist or counselor who can help facilitate the conversation. Understand that your friends may need time to process the information and adjust to the news. Be patient and allow them the space they need.

Remember that sharing such personal and emotionally charged information with friends can be challenging, and their reactions may vary. Ultimately, your friends may need time to fully understand and accept your decision. Seek support from professionals, support groups, or counselors if needed to navigate this process. Your well-being and the well-being of your child should be the primary focus as you walk this road.